AshleyDeYo's Xanga

Can a cartoon really create real life inspiration?

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 03:21:12 GMT

So I'm back blogging again! Have a lot on my mind and wanted to get it out!

I watched Kung Foo Panda with the kids I babysit the other day. This quote that the "Master" kung foo guy said really hit me hard. I know i know "it's a cartoon ASH!" well...here it is...

" you are too concerned with what was and what will be. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, and that's why it's called the present."

Such simple words. But so incredibly true.

I know I dwell too much on the past. I hate talking about the past...but I am constantly thinking about it in my mind. It's history-I can learn from history, but there's no reason to dwell...

I am always worrying about my future. I need to quit that too! It's a mystery, and no matter how much I try to figure it out or how much I pray that God will reveal it to me...it's still a mystery...

But today, is a gift. It's a gift that I woke up today. I am here for a reason, and I need to accept that fact and start ACTING. It's not fair to deny the gifts and talents God has blessed me with and I need to utilize them to his utmost glory.

so stop worrying about yesterday, quit worrying about tomorrow, live and accept the present.

on a funny note: the 9 year old that I babysit said to me today. "Ashley what did you ask for on your Christmas list this year?" I said "Oooo, just some boots & other random things, nothing big." he said "Well Ash, do you want the spinbrush mascara? I saw it on the TV & it's supposed to make your lashes really long" I said, "Well look at my lashes, they are naturally long, I already have some mascara that I like and I don't think I need it." he said, "But Ashley, it said it won't make your lashes lumpy because the mascara won't clump." I proceeded to fall over in hysteria. What are we teaching our children these days?

peace,
ash.

quirks

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:09:07 GMT

If I don't write it down, I will forget to do it.
I am the most unorganized person I know.
Except within my own mess, I know exactly where everything is located, and if someone moves something-I can tell. this is a weird quirk of mine.

I was listening to the radio and they were having callers phone in their weird quirks.

I have a list infinitely long, I often wonder-will anyone be able to put up with me enough to marry me?

-I sleep diagonally-now how will this work in the marriage bed? haha
-I hate talking on the phone.
-I have to have my sheets untucked so my toes don't get bent.
-I can't wake up to an alarm on an even number
-I'm extremely finicky with food
-I sometimes freak out when in stressful situations or large crowds
-I can't stand leftovers
-I can only take showers in my bathroom, and if I am out of town-I have to make sure it's clean before I shower in it. I despise dirty bathtubs full of hair.
-Another quirk of mine is my phobia of hair. It freaks me out. I shave my entire body...legs, stomach, arms.
-body fluids make me want to vomit (baby snot, diarrhea, ear wax, etc)
-being pregnant freaks me out, the whole birthing process as a whole kind of freaks me out, the thought of having a human inside of me horrifies me. everyone, and I mean everyone always says it's so beautiful and natural. i don't care. it's disgusting.
-unless it's basketball or bowling don't ask me to play a sport.

and I wonder why I am single sometimes.
I guess when you've gone as long as I have being single, pretty much my entire life except for the occasional few month fling here and there, never had a relationship beyond like 5 or 6 months, You get used to living your life the way you want to.

another issue i have is being content. now this doesn't mean i'm dissatisfied with my life, it just means that I will never just settle. I always want to achieve more in life and I'm not ok with being mediocre. I have always had this drive that I was created to do more than just live. Like I'm meant to do big things and make a difference. i'm afraid whoever I marry will be ok with just living a mediocre life-not striving for better. it sounds greedy i know, i'm not talking about money though. I'm talking about my passion for helping people, traveling, and sharing all I can with the world. Life is too short to just live day to day doing the same mundane thing.

my point-
God you know I am ready for some changes. Soo incredibly beyond ready. But I will remain patient and continue to work hard.

ashley deyoung

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:25:03 GMT

you think my life would be complete.
i finally got a mac.
a new car.
a fabulous wardrobe.
a great job.
my own business.
a ton of new photography equipment.

but i'm stressed and frustrated lately.

i think the weight on my shoulders is more than I can handle. I've taken on too much.

time away is the only remedy. florida can't come soon enough!

June and chilly

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:58:39 GMT

As I sit outside on this Mid-June-Tuesday evening, I can't quite figure out why the weather is like this-but it's pretty much amazing.

I enjoy the outdoors when the weather is nice.

I am housesitting for my brother and watching his dog. I've never seen a dog that poops as much as this thing. I like dogs, but I am rethinking getting a dog when I am older. I don't like cleaning up poop all day long, especially when I am a nanny and change diapers all day.

I have two photo shoots this saturday and I am excited to do them. I have so much editing to do, I have been so busy with other things I have neglected to do that. I am waaayy far behind.

I forget sometimes what it feels like to be alone. I am constantly surrounded by people. There's 25000 students at mtsu, and sometimes 250 in a lecture/sometimes only 10. I go to church with like 3000 people. I moved back in with my parents. I work and am around 3 little boys all day and we go to the pool with at least 100 people there. traffic in franklin is a nightmare and constantly crazy. there are people every where!!!! I go out with my friends and we end up at venues or restaurants with tons of people. Sometimes i can't even think. The other night I was at the Tin Roof in franklin and had to leave because the noise level was just too much for me to handle.

One of my favorite things to do is grab a tea, smoothie, or hot chocolate completely by myself. or eat by myself. and sit with my computer at starbucks or where ever I am and just not have to think. It's so nice.

my brain works a thousand miles a minute and i am constantly thinking of ways to make things look interesting in a photograph that my mind never rests. sometimes i never sleep, i sit awake all night thinking of emails i need to answer or pictures i need to edit. that happened last night and i am exhausted.

I am enjoying my alone time. but don't get me wrong, being alone for too long also makes me crazy, i need a healthy balance.

ashley

June

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 02:36:46 GMT

I just got so distracted downloading songs and tv show theme songs to my blackberry (i.e. 90210, i love lucy), that I forgot I put a mask on my face. after 1.5 hours later, I felt that my face was like barely moveable and tight as can be...i thought it was strange. then i went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and freaked myself out! that's when i remembered. crazy how my brain forgets things sometimes.

tonight-just another day. nothing special. i did a photo shoot with a 6 year old.

I am house sitting for 2 houses next week-oops double-booked myself. what else is new. i always double and triple book myself. sometimes i even wonder why i have a blackberry, if i don't look at my calendar.

I'm looking forward to getting away.

I miss doing things. I miss going out. I feel like no one understands. I sit all day at work, i sit all night at home editing on my computer, i sleep, i sit in the car...the last thing i want to do is sit and watch tv. i don't mind going out and sitting somewhere...it just (lately only) been driving me haywire to sit at home, anybody's home. i feel like i am wasting away when i sit. i used to go out all of the time. 3 or 4 shows a week, going to movies, going to parties...don't get me wrong-that was a while ago, and that's not the lifestyle i want anymore. i've changed and could care less about partying it up. frankly, i could care less if i ever touched another drink again. I just miss being at shows and coffee shops. going to movies and socializing with friends. i do see my friends a lot, more especially during the summer...but i miss doing things...and the reality is-no one can afford to go out anymore.

i just need to find someone who enjoys doing things. crazy things like canoing, bike riding, traveling, and going to shows. someone who enjoys art galleries, coffee shops, and camping. there's so much i want to do, i just don't have anybody who wants to do what i want to do. my friends are on their feet all day at work or school and want to come home and rest. i'm not complaining about them- i love them all dearly. and i don't mind doing that. i just want other people in my life to do these things with too.

ashley deyoung

Across the Universe

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:04:11 GMT

I am so incredibly antsy right now.
I feel as though I've sat all day long.

I rented a movie on iTunes, and I couldn't finish it all. I spend a lot of time watching movies. My excuse is-I'm doing research for my photography. I really do see cool shots or interesting sets and gather ideas. Today I rented "Across the Universe", and despite what my friends said, I really thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It's beautiful, colorful, and full of meaning. it's an art piece in itself.

But, I need to finish the last 45 minutes of it before I give a full analysis.

Have you ever been so tired but so awake at the same time?
I feel like I could jog a mile right now, but I'm so incredibly tired. it's hurting my head.

Anyhow, since I am heading to FL for 21 days and chicago for 4, I will be blogging a lot more of the awkward posts in July about absolutely nothing. stayed tuned.

my mother took some silver gelatin inspired shots of me. I posted them on a website, and sick people wrote perverse comments about them. apparently they've never heard of Edward Weston and his use of the human bodies to create organic forms. google him. you'll see.

this is my back

this is my neck

this is my shoulder

ashley m. deyoung

i don't write like i used to

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 04:37:30 GMT

and 10 percent of the time it upsets me...the other 90 percent i'm too busy working to even think about it.
i've tried to sit down and write, but i just can't seem to get words out...i literally draw blank...it sux.

but i figured i'd try tonight, let's see what I got...

I saw the movie sex and the city. i'm not the biggest fan of the show, nor have i seen all the seasons. i know just enough to understand the movies, but little enough to not get some jokes the fans in the audience caught onto.

in fact the only time i cried was when charlotte accidentally drank water from mexico and shat her pants...i laughed hysterically-that i cried.

the lady next me bawled, laughed, sang, sighed, rested her head upon her lover's shoulder, sat on the edge of her seat...she was the epitome of a sex and the city fan. it was funny. everyone always says, "oh i'm just like miranda" or "that's such a charlotte thing to do" ...i can't pinpoint myself in one particular character...i'm a mix of them all...a germophobic, commitment-phobic, fashion-loving, single, don't-want-to-get-married kinda girl.

i did enjoy the movie, don't get me wrong. i just don't understand the world.
people live their lives through these hopeless romantic comedies because they would rather live in the fantasy world than in reality. they secretly desire to be one of the characters.

and while i do admire these women in this movie, instead of living in the fantasy world...i'd rather be out their living and doing my life.

ok that's all i got.
ashley m. deyoung

I want a hobby

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 02:10:01 GMT

I need a new hobby. I have a lot of time alone (i.e. babysitting till 3 am leaves many hours alone).

Most of the time I spend it editing photos and watching infomericials on TV.
But there are days that I just do not want to edit photos or watch TV. Frankly, I hate TV. I think it clutters the brain with junk.

So I am thinking about making a quilt. I don't know why. I just always wanted to make one and thought it'd be fun.

I'm going to Florida with the family i babysit for 3 weeks solid. so i will have many hours at night alone, that i must find someway to keep myself busy and entertained.

i am excited to move fully in one place for the first time in 4 years. For the last four years i've had no permanent home. between mufreesboro, franklin, nashville and friends' houses, it's hard to keep up with all of my stuff. it drives me crazy.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wed, 21 May 2008 02:56:48 GMT

I have been accomplishing a lot of goals lately.

This is a huge step for me, considering my history of indecisiveness.

I started this business, bought a new mac, a new car...(hopefully a house in the next 3 years).

I have to say,
it is an amazing feeling when you completely surrender in life-I quit trying to plan, control, and dictate what goes on in my life. Obviously my planning doesn't work, so why try? God has control of it, so let Him run the course. He's not going to give us anything we can't handle and he's not going to throw something at us until His timing is right.

It's ok to have goals and aspirations, but to plan out every detail is insane.

I think there is too much pressure on people my age these days. It's graduate high school, go to college, graduate with a "mrs." degree, have babies, a house...all before 26. That's just whack to me! I don't want that life.

I want to travel to Egypt. Dip my toes in the Mediterranean. Photograph the Mayan ruins. I want to actually graduate before I marry. I want to live in Tuscany. I want to buy my own house. I'd rather adopt kids than birth them. But I feel so much pressure to be married off and a housewife.

planning like that just causes false hopes and high expectations. so screw it. just LIVE!

ashley deyoung photography

An Ode to Car shopping

Fri, 16 May 2008 02:27:55 GMT

GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

That's what I say to it!
The dealers won't stop calling me.
They flood my email box.
They hassle me at the dealerships.
Cars are way overpriced.

I'm too tall for 85% of the cars I can afford.
The cars I like I can't afford.
The cars I find that work for me have rebuilt titles or smell bad.

The good ones sell too quickly and the bad ones, well are bad for a reason.

I have doubled my budget, which is like $6000 more than I was initially wanting to spend when I was considering a new car.

I am still paying for repairs on my car since the accident and things are making squealing noises in it-not good!

It all boils down to one thing and one thing only...marry for money...not looks. looks fade buy money remains (if you marry a smart man)

If I was married and he had money-this all wouldn't be a problem now would it?
haha.

ashley